December 5, 2010

Freedom at its finest !

Okay, it’s final. My wife and I are officially divorced. It doesn’t matter because I have been cheating on her the whole time. Besides, it wasn't like she could pleasure me anyways.. I have had alot of mistresses during our marriage, and ooohhooohhhoooo, believe me, when I say alot, I mean ALOT. (Contact me if you want your own..I'm just kidding) But I must admit, I didn’t really love her anyways. Many of you may expect me to be sad, but I’m not.  As many of you may know, I am known for being notoriously ugly, but no matter, I have my own kind of charm. I guarantee you; it will take me only half an hour to talk away my face. I can prove this to you because, I was elected a Fellow of the Royal Society in 1749, and nothing could bring down my moods, even if I got divorced seven years later. To add onto my proud position, I was appointed High Sheriff of Buckinghamshire in 1754. In the same year, I was rejected and an unsuccessful candidate for Berick parliamentary elections. After much determination and suffering, I have finally gained another position of High Sheriff in Aylesbury. I don't need you guys back in Berwick; I have a better job here. As a member of the Royal Society of London for the Improvement of Natural Knowledge, I had plans for my future. I considered running for High Sheriff again, which I did, and gained that same position. I was elected for Aylesbury again in 1761. To sum it up, I was the High Sheriff in 1757 and 1761. I am also a member of the Knights of St. Francis of Wycombe, which is also known as the Hellfire Club. Here, we had members such as the Earl of Sandwich and Sir Francis Dashwood. When I was initiated, I dressed a baboon in a cape and horns and brought it into the rituals that were performed at the club. I thought it was funny, but others thought otherwise… I guess that’s why no one really likes me. I’m snappy, impatient, and just plain mean.

No comments:

Post a Comment