December 17, 2010

Gossip about me!

I hope these people know that hating on me won't get them anywhere..
Part I (5:40-7:02)
Part II (0:00-2:00)

December 16, 2010

My speech in the House of Commons

"That every free agent in this kingdom should, in my wish, be represented in Parliament. That the metropolis, which contains in itself a ninth part of the people, and the counties of Middlesex, York, and others, which so greatly abound with inhabitants, should receive an increase in their representation. That the mean and insignificant boroughs, so emphatically stiled the rotten part of our constitution, should be lopped off, and the electors in them thrown into the counties; and the rich, populous trading towns, Birmingham, Manchester, Sheffield, Leeds and others, be permitted to send deputies to the great council of the nation."

December 14, 2010


“I have too great a soul to die like a criminal"
This is what I thought when those idiots locked me up in King's Bench Prison.

December 13, 2010


Hey guys, remember how I told you that I was going to be in jail? Well, I am and the good part about it is that on May 1768, my supporters surrounded the death hole (aka. King’s Bench Prison) and chanted “Wilkes and Liberty!”, “No Liberty, No King”, and “Damn the King, damn the Government! Damn the Justices!”. I was quite excited when I realized I had so many supporters, but things turned ugly when the prison troops opened fire on seven of my supporters. Later on, I learned that this incident was the Massacre of St. George’s Fields. Discouraged, I slumped onto my desolate cell, where I soon fell asleep…. and had a dream. I dreamt that I was a free man and that I would form something called the Bill of Rights Society.
AND IT WASN’T A DREAM. It was all happening! I was released from King’s Bench Prison in April or 1770 (pity me, it has been 2 years in that place), and as I pranced along on the streets, it dawned on me that I was still banned from the House of Commons, but not willing for that to get me down, I joined a campaign for the freedom of the press. In 1771, the House of Commons tried to prevent several newspapers of their debates to be published, and by joining this campaign, I had that incident in mind. I wanted to challenge their decisions, and.. Again, I got in trouble. The government took away two of my printers. None of that mattered because in the end, the government came to their senses and abandoned their attempts to prevent the publication of reports of their debates.
Things are starting to look up because in 1774, I was elected the Lord Mayor of London and also elected to represent Middlesex in the House of Commons. I was an avid politician for religious toleration and passionately opposed the hard punishments of criminals. As I grew older, I became more conservative and less involved in politics. I find that life has more meaning to winning a debate. So for now, I’m just going to chill out, relax, and enjoy the rest that life has prepared for me.

December 8, 2010

what do you do as High Sheriff?

My job as a High Sheriff is mainly to protect and assist justices, to the border of the country. They would meet with judges from all over the country that would preside over cases when local justices were not allowed to. I had the privilege of escorting them to Buckingham and the courthouse.

Blasphemy !

Wow. Wow to the max. Guess what, fellow readers?! I am declared an outlaw of England. Yeah, apparently, my fellow men did not find our antics the least bit hilarious. Here’s the whole story- my friend, Thomas Potter and I decided to make a parody of Alexander Pope’s “An Essay on Man” and John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich. We named our masterpiece “An Essay on Women”. I should probably note that Montagu was also a member of the Hellfire Club, which I was in... So it probably wasn’t a good idea to mess around with him. Anyways, our dear John here and I have had some bad past, and he jumped on any chance to take revenge on me, that sly wretch. Montagu read the poem to the House of the Lords, in which he made me look bad, saying our poem was obscene and offensive. The Lords of agreed with that Montagu and the rage they had caused a great scandal. They proceeded to expel me from England, but being the smart cookie I was, I already fled from Paris, feeling the rising tension... but my tactics were stopped short as I was caught and accused for obscene literature and finally, declared and outlaw on January 19, 1764. I guess I could say that I am lucky that my fate was not like those in the past were every solution was death. I was brought back to England and tried again to run for a spot on the Parliament. I was elected a member of the Parliament for Middlesex, but after my glorious award, I was sentenced to King’s Bench Prison, where I will hang out for two years, along with a fine of 1,000 pounds. Let’s just hope my supporters will help me out a little here.. I need to get out! You will help me too won’t you?

December 5, 2010


Boy, am I tired. I have been involved in Britain’s Seven Years War and wow; I honestly do feel proud of myself. As we all know, William Pitt the Elder leads Britain, and although we were losing to those bloody Frenchmen in the beginning, through the fine leadership of William Pitt, he lead us to victory and finally defeated the French. Along with the help of General James Wolfe, the British army defeats the French fleet. I know most of you may already know this story, it still feels great to retell this story. ANYWAYS, I wanted to make this post to rage about the Scottish prime minister, John Stuart as one of the heads of the government. I didn’t really like him, so I started a weekly publication, The North Briton, to speak out against him. You guessed it; I’m always getting into some trouble. I was charged with criminal offense against the useless George III on his speech about the Treaty of Paris. I seriously thought his speech was a bunch of rubbish written by the traitor, Bute. I guess I should fill you guys in about Bute, huh? I have a concept- I believe that Bute betrayed England by agreeing to peace terms with our sworn enemy, France, in order to end the Seven Years War. So anyways, our King George III felt like I insulted him and he ordered some of his men to arrest me, along with 49 other people. At court, I was protected from any sort of torture or jailing by the Court of Common Pleas. This plea allowed me to receive immunity becasue I was a member of the Parliament.  The fact that I got by still relieves me because if I weren’t to be let go, I would have never restored my seat as a fellow of the Royal Society. To show how much my accusers disgust me, I sued my arresters for trespass. HA ! Okay, Peace out everybody !

Freedom at its finest !

Okay, it’s final. My wife and I are officially divorced. It doesn’t matter because I have been cheating on her the whole time. Besides, it wasn't like she could pleasure me anyways.. I have had alot of mistresses during our marriage, and ooohhooohhhoooo, believe me, when I say alot, I mean ALOT. (Contact me if you want your own..I'm just kidding) But I must admit, I didn’t really love her anyways. Many of you may expect me to be sad, but I’m not.  As many of you may know, I am known for being notoriously ugly, but no matter, I have my own kind of charm. I guarantee you; it will take me only half an hour to talk away my face. I can prove this to you because, I was elected a Fellow of the Royal Society in 1749, and nothing could bring down my moods, even if I got divorced seven years later. To add onto my proud position, I was appointed High Sheriff of Buckinghamshire in 1754. In the same year, I was rejected and an unsuccessful candidate for Berick parliamentary elections. After much determination and suffering, I have finally gained another position of High Sheriff in Aylesbury. I don't need you guys back in Berwick; I have a better job here. As a member of the Royal Society of London for the Improvement of Natural Knowledge, I had plans for my future. I considered running for High Sheriff again, which I did, and gained that same position. I was elected for Aylesbury again in 1761. To sum it up, I was the High Sheriff in 1757 and 1761. I am also a member of the Knights of St. Francis of Wycombe, which is also known as the Hellfire Club. Here, we had members such as the Earl of Sandwich and Sir Francis Dashwood. When I was initiated, I dressed a baboon in a cape and horns and brought it into the rituals that were performed at the club. I thought it was funny, but others thought otherwise… I guess that’s why no one really likes me. I’m snappy, impatient, and just plain mean.